I smoked Consulate and Park Drive
Drank Newcy Brown, learned how to skive
Polo mints to hide my breath from my Mum
Did a little weed 'cause it felt like fun
Did a little speed if my friends had some
Nicked Volkswagon badges, I'm a Beastie Boys son
Me so horny, me so young, and I still get my washing done

Auntie Jo died of cancer, God didn't have an answer
Rhythm was a dancer, any room for a chancer
That's me in the corner, thanks Sir
Wore a Troop track suit, British Knights shoes
Kangol hat like L.L. Cools
Before I was having it, having it large
They nicked the B.M.X. from out my garage

And I knew it was Tire from off the estate
'Cause every time I saw him he smiled like we were mates
From then on in, I'd have to walk to me Nan's and I'll dream my dreams for a sea of prams
Like a hooligan on the football stands and I threw the V's to Leeds and West Ham
And then I ran, I ran so far away
Down Scotia Road to a taxi bay
Then I ran again 'cause I couldn't pay
Young Muslim didn't get his fare that day
I apologise today

Things look better when they start
That's how the 80's broke my heart

And who are you calling poof
You like Wham, man
I hate that stuff
And then my Granddad died and left a hole in the family
And lots of women there to nanny me

School was a laugh, they didn't have A.D.D
Thick was the term they used for me
Over and over, repeatedly, over and over
Take my breathe away, pass the bidley bidley bidley bidley bong
Pass it on the left hand side
Right turn, Clyde

That girl in the fourth year got pregnant
She was raised Catholic, brilliant
I cried, she cried, we cried
Her youth died

Drank cider in the cemetery
The year above us had discovered 'E'
And I said it weren't for me
Twelve pounds fifty
I could rob my mum's purse and buy one off Chalky

Met a girl on Monday, drank fizzy pop on Tuesday
Fingered her on Wednesday, and on Thursday and Friday, and on Saturday
Dumped by Sunday

Things look better when they start
That's how the 80's broke my heart
The wonder years I've played my part
That's how the 80's broke my heart

I lost my virginity to a girl called Anne-Marie
Well, she said she fancied me
And then she said "Fuck me" and I thought fuck me
And I'm all talk and it'll be over too quickly
And it was but I couldn't care less
I'd seen a girl's part, made a mess on her dress
Oh yes, you're now rocking with the best
Second person in my year that had seen a breast

I'm in my 30s now and I'm still impressed
Why the Falklands Mum, and what have they done
Where do girls come, where do girls come from, where do girls come from
It's the 80's what you looking at, you mong
So young, so long, so young, so long
Too short, so long
What you looking at, you mong
Too short, so long, too short, so long
So long