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These are my confessions
Just when I thought I said all I could say I came up up with more secrets to tell you today
These are my confessions
Slip my mind the last two times
Silly me, so now I gotta give you part three of my confessions
First I told you about the skank that I was cheating with,then I mentioned she's having my kid
That's not all, now I recall more you see, so I'll give you part three of my confessions
Now this is gonna be the hardest thing I ever had to do,Gonna tell you everything I left out of parts one and two
Like remember when I told you I knew Paulie Shore(Paulie Shore)That's a lie, I don't know what I said that for
I borrowed your chapstick(from you)
I tried out your nose hair trimmer(too)
And by the way your diamand ring is cubic circonium, I killed your goldfish accidently, just replaced it with another one
These are my confessions
Just when I thought I said all I could say I needed to get some things off my chest right away
These are my confessions
Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me, I guess I gotta give you part three of my confessions
I threw up on your dog last time I had too much to drink
There have been times when I've peed in your sink
Don't know why, but you and I should agree that belongs in part three of my confessions
Baby forgive me I'm still trying to figure out why I used your toothbrush to clean off the bathroom grought
Oh and sometimes in private, I really like to dress up as Shirley Temple and spank myself with a hockey stick(hockey stick)
My boss thinks I'm a jerk, I didn't get that raise. I haven't changed my underwear in twenty-seven days!
And when I'm kissing you I fantasize you as a midget
I'm so sorry Debbi! I mean Bridget!
These are my confessions
Just when I thought I said all I could say I got a few more secrets I'd like to convey
These are my confessions
Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me, I guess I gotta give you part three of my confessions
Gave you buttered toast I dropped and then picked up off the floor
FYI it was not a cold sore
Ooops my bad, but you'll be madder at me when I finish part 3 of my confessions

You don't know how hard it is for me to tell you this, but remember that shirt that you got me for my birthday? Well, I returned it for store credit. That thing was hideous, what were you thinking?
O and by the way, I wasn't really sick last week, I just didn't wanna go to your stupid office picnic
Oh nd when I told you at breakfast we were all out of rice krispies, what I meant was that there was only enough left for me. Sorry.

These are my confessions
Just when I thought I said all I could say, I thought of some more things that should scare you away
These are my confessions
Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me, I guess I gotta give you part three of my confessions
Once I blew my nose and wiped it on your cat
And I lied, yes that dress makes you look fat
Anyway, I shouldn't say anymore 'til I give you part 4 of my confessions
(Al is talking and fades out)