Alcohol or Comedy - Bif Naked

My life was Comedy. Quitting drinking was the easiest thing I've ever done. I have never looked back. I simply cannot understand why the hell I waited so long! Unmanageable life--what an embarrassment! What a weakness. What an ultimate lack of self-discipline. What a loser. My parents never drank or smoked, and I put them through hell. My poor parents. I was such an ungrateful, disrespectful, selfish, hormonal little teenager with a mouthy attitude and sense of humour quite unlike my sister's. I decided I didn't need to continue attending church with my parents. I was searching for my "individuality". What an idiot.
I wanted attention. I wanted everyone to think I was funny. I wanted everyone to like me. I, I hated myself. I was called Bug Eyes. I was called Fish Lips. And, I was called Modern Dairies. The grade 9 girls hated me. They harassed me and beat me up. I wonder if they're living exciting, fulfilling loving lives. I wonder if they're happy and healthy. Me and my best friend Karine had every line of every Eddie Murphy movie down. "Goonay goo goo" "you can smell it" "I'm a karate man." "Karate man bruise on inside. Just don't show othe weakness." "Banana in the tailpipe." "Babulay Babulay bahaha. Babulay babulay ba ha." You name it. I wanted to be Eddie Murphy.
Or, or Robin Williams. I wanted to be them. I still am enraptured with comedians. They must always be carefree and laughing and playing jokes and having fun. Except for maybe Richard Lewis. He always says he can't get a date. Betcha he can. Betcha he's really ticklish, like me. Tickled with life, tickled pink. Pink laaadies. Black Russians. Iron b_tterflies.
Quitting drinking was the easiest thing I've ever done.
Quitting my comedic dreams was hard. I can never look back on either.

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