Advice from a Divorced Gentleman to His Bachelor Friend Considering Marriage - Of Montreal

You should stay away from roses
And be careful to avoid chocolate hearts
Keep distant from romantic notions
Because that's where love most often starts

Be sure to steer clear of diamonds
And mink coats are most certainly out, too
For if she goes in for that kind of thing
Just might fall, then what you will do?

You know you've always been the sort
Who's truly only fond of the sport
And who will never be satisfied
Reclining in slippers by the fireside
With a wife's constant nagging
For things that you can't provide
Who no longer bears resemblance
To that soft spoken flower
You were so desperate to have for your bride

Too much conversing with a woman
Tends to dull a man's wit

Never be taken in by poets
Who claim that love, if it's pure, will never fade
Though love may last all right in a bibliotheque
In the real world, man, it's too easily unmade

So don't take your freedom for granted
Don't let curiosity take you for a ride
As years drag on when you wake up next to her
You'll wish that in your sleep you had died
You'll wish you had died

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